13. Why Men Are Feeling Emasculated — And Why It Matters More Than Ever
Masculinity isn’t the problem. Caricatures of it are.
This reflection was sparked by a conversation with my mum. One of those simple chats that unexpectedly opened a much deeper well. It stayed with me, and this is where it led.
A Shift in the Wind
There’s a noticeable shift happening. More people — men and women alike — are speaking up, tired of the one-sided narrative that paints masculinity as inherently flawed. This isn’t just about defending men from criticism. It’s about reclaiming something vital that’s been distorted beyond recognition.
The irony isn’t lost here: women are now often the ones saying what many men feel too silenced to admit. That masculinity is not the enemy. That it’s not toxic by default. That it's needed.
“We needed women to speak up just to remind the world that men are still allowed to be men.”
Examining, Not Erasing
Challenging masculinity should be a good thing. It should make us better. But what started as examination has become erasure. Healthy critique has been hijacked by ideological extremism that insists masculinity is something to be ashamed of.
What is being attacked isn’t the real thing. It’s a cartoon version, a scapegoat, a punching bag created by those with an axe to grind. These aren't helpful critiques; they're weapons wrapped in academic language or viral outrage.
"Toxic masculinity exists. But it’s one extreme reacting to another — not an origin story, but a distorted reflection."
The Betrayal of the ‘Coaches’
Perhaps the most dangerous attacks come not from enemies but from supposed allies. A growing number of relationship and life coaches claim to help men — but often their advice asks men to give up the very essence of who they are.
They package emasculation as healing. They call passivity growth. They teach men to accommodate at the cost of their integrity.
They’re not mentors. They’re silencers.
“Their gospel is shame in a mask of sensitivity.”
This is deeply damaging. Because at the heart of most men, there's a whisper of something older and deeper — a call to protect, to provide, to lead, to hold. Not in dominance, but in presence. Not by control, but by clarity.
And women feel the conflict too. A woman might say she wants a "traditional man" who isn't "conservative," revealing a tug-of-war inside her: the voice of social programming clashing with her deeper knowing of what makes her feel safe, seen, and feminine. Many women are beginning to realise that what they were told to want and what their soul craves are very different things.
Weaponised Extremes
The internet has become a war zone. Posts criticising men (or women) go viral. Comment sections turn into digital colosseums. You can almost hear the teeth gnashing. But just like the colosseums of old, we need to recognise it for what it is: not a forum for truth, but a form of blood sport. Vicious and theatrical, it masquerades as meaningful dialogue, but it's entertainment for the wounded.
You saw it yourself: a post targeting men for something trivial was followed by vicious, almost dehumanising responses — all from women. The same, of course, happens in reverse. Bitter men spewing contempt at women.
This is not discourse. It’s trauma theatre. It’s not about solutions. It’s about spectacle, pain, and payback. It thrives on unhealed wounds and encourages us to keep tearing each other open.
“You want to fix the world? Stop trying to eradicate the other half of it.”
The Laziness of Binary Thinking
We’ve entered an age where nuance has been sacrificed on the altar of outrage. Everything must be simplified:
Masculinity = bad
Femininity = victim
Leadership = control
Sensitivity = virtue
It’s a nonsense binary that helps no one. Because the truth is more complex, more human. Real masculinity is not rigid or violent. Nor is it soft and submissive. It’s integrated. It’s capable. It’s calm under pressure, and strong enough to hold the space when others fall apart.
“If we’re going to talk about maturity, it has to include boundaries — not just for others, but for ourselves.”
The Cost of Giving It Away
Men aren’t just being emasculated. They’re often giving their masculinity away.
Out of fear of being misunderstood.
Out of fear of being rejected.
Out of fear of causing offence.
And in the process, they lose something that can’t easily be reclaimed: their groundedness. Their centre. Their edge.
“We don’t need to fight for masculinity. We just need to stop giving it away.”
Soul Knowledge and the Quiet Shrinking of Boys
From the moment they’re born, boys know something. They feel a pull to protect, to strive, to be useful and dangerous in the best way. But little by little, that inner fire gets doused by shame, criticism, and fear.
Not just by enemies. Often by people who love them — who mean well, but have absorbed the culture’s fear of masculine power.
“You’re too much."
"Calm down."
"Be more like your sister."
"Don’t be so rough."
"Be nice."
These aren’t just parenting phrases. They’re tiny chisels, carving away instinct. And over time, boys learn to shrink. To appease. To trade their truth for approval.
And later, they wonder why they feel lost.
You see it clearly when you watch your children before and after exposure to the culture. There is something raw, vital, and ancient in boys before the world tries to bleach it out. Afterward, you see hesitation. Doubt. Collapse.
We talk about helping children find their voice. But maybe we need to start by not taking it away in the first place.
When We Step Back, Extremes Step In
There’s a reason why certain political figures make us wince — not always because they’re wrong, but because they’re saying things we’re not supposed to admit might contain some truth. Nigel Farage, Donald Trump, Giorgia Meloni… regardless of where you stand politically, their rise isn’t random. It reflects something deeper in the collective psyche.
They don’t just offer policies. They offer posture. They speak plainly. They don’t ask for permission. And whether you agree with them or not, you feel them.
That wince we experience? It often isn’t from moral outrage — it’s from discomfort. Because in a culture that prizes polite compliance over personal conviction, we’ve been conditioned to avoid the kind of unapologetic clarity they bring. Even when it’s crude. Even when it’s incomplete.
People aren’t drawn to the message — they’re drawn to the energy.
The decisiveness. The groundedness. The refusal to flinch.
Because here’s the uncomfortable truth:
There is a deep cultural hunger for masculine energy.
Not aggression. Not dominance. But clear, anchored leadership — the kind that doesn’t fold under scrutiny or shame.
When culture stops allowing space for healthy masculine expression, the extremes rush in to fill the void. When we silence nuance, we hand the microphone to outrage.
So Farage, Trump, Meloni — they didn’t invent this moment. They capitalised on it. They’re what shows up when grounded men step back.
And why do so many good men step back? Because they’re afraid. Afraid of being misunderstood. Of being mistaken for something they’re not. So they soften, they apologise, they hesitate — and in doing so, they surrender the stage.
The problem isn’t that men like these exist. The tragedy is that more balanced, principled men don’t stand tall enough to offer an alternative.
“The hunger for masculine clarity doesn’t disappear. It just goes underground — or into the arms of the loudest one who dares to own it.”
Final Thought:
This isn’t about nostalgia. It’s not about going backwards. It’s about remembering that you don’t evolve by abandoning your nature. You evolve by owning it, refining it, and learning to wield it wisely.
Masculinity isn’t a problem to be solved. It’s a presence to be embodied.
And the world desperately needs more of it.